The Surprising Truth About What Others Think
Hey there, hi
Can we talk about perceptions for a minute?
This might just change the way you see yourself and othersāand the roles we play in each otherās stories.
You know what Iāve been thinking lately? How weāre all stars in our own lives but supporting characters in everyone elseās.
And hereās the mind-blowing part: most of the time, itās not even about us.
Think about this.
In some peopleās stories, youāre the hero – the one who always shows up, whoās got it all together. (this one always feels good)
In others, you might be the villain – too busy, too successful, tooā¦ something. (Hmmm, it’s always something, right?)
But hereās the real truth: none of these roles show who you really are. And more importantly, theyāre not even about you at all.
*When someone sees your success as intimidating, itās about their own insecurities.
*When they call your enthusiasm too much, itās about their own comfort zone.
*When they label your boundaries as selfish, itās about their own expectations.
WOWZERS, thatās a new way to think about it, isnāt it?
To realize that their perception of you is more about them than it is about you? This is HUGE (and, it’s a game-changer)
But hereās where it gets tricky
We often filter how we show up, trying to manage these perceptions. We play small or overcompensate. We try to be everything to everyone.
Exhausting, right? (it makes me tired just thinking about it)
The Real Cost of Taking Everything Personally (the hard truth)
When we make everything about us, we pay a hefty price:
We second-guess our decisions, wondering how theyāll be perceived
We exhaust ourselves trying to manage everyoneās reactions
We dim our light to make others comfortable
We carry the weight of responsibilities that arenāt ours to bear
Sound familiar? I thought so. (the last one for me especially)
Hereās the thing: this habit doesnāt just affect our business decisionsāit seeps into every area of our lives.
With our adult children, we might take their life choices as a reflection of our parenting.
With our aging parents, we might interpret their needs as judgments on our caregiving.
With our partners, we might see their moods as reactions to something we did or didnāt do.
But what if we could break free from this pattern? What if we could see situations more clearly by recognizing when something truly isnāt about us?
The Liberation Toolkit: Discover the 3 Steps to Freedom
STEP 1 – The Perception Pause
The next time you feel that familiar sting of taking something personally, try this:
Pause and take a deep breath Ask yourself: āIs this actually about me, or could something else be going on?ā Consider what might be happening in the other personās world Remember a time when your reaction to someone had more to do with your own stuff than with them
This simple pause can create space between stimulus and responseāwhere your freedom lives.
STEP 2 – The 80/20 Perspective Shift
Try this mindset on for size:
About 80% of how people respond to you is about whatās happening in their world. Only about 20% is actually about you or your actions.
This isnāt about dodging responsibilityāitās about right-sizing it.
When your team member seems frustrated, maybe itās 80% about their morning commute, their worried thoughts about a sick parent, or their own insecuritiesāand 20% about your feedback.
When your adult child seems distant, perhaps itās 80% about their own life challenges and 20% about your relationship.
How might this 80/20 perspective change how you show up?
STEP 3 – The Energy Reclamation Practice
All that energy youāve been spending analyzing what others think? Itās time to reclaim it.
Try this exercise:
List three recent situations where you took something personally
For each one, write down: āIf this isnāt about me, what could it be about?ā
Now, the most important part: āWhat could I do with the energy Iād reclaim if I didnāt make this about me?ā
Maybe youād: – Finally take that class youāve been putting off – Be more present with your loved ones – Launch that new initiative without worrying about perfect timing – Simply enjoy a moment of peace
Your āItās Not About Meā Challenge
Over the next week, I challenge you to:
Catch yourself when you start making something about you that likely isnāt. Apply the Perception Pause – See what changes when you shift to the 80/20 perspective
Notice how much energy you reclaim. (trust me on this)
Remember, you are not responsible for how others see youāonly for how you see yourself and how you choose to show up in the world.
STOP – READ THAT AGAIN!!!
You are not just a character in someone elseās narrative. You are the author of your own beautiful, messy, perfectly imperfect story.
Want to dive deeper into this journey of self-discovery and authentic living? Iāve created something special just for you. Itās a guide called āThe Circle of Control: Understanding How to Reclaim Your Story.ā
Itās yours, free, because I believe in you and the incredible journey youāre on.
āDOWNLOAD Your FREE Guide ā¬
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Youāve got this. Letās reclaim your energy and your story, one perception shift at a time.
Remember, itās not about fitting into their stories – itās about living truthfully in your own.
Chat soon!
XOXO
Tonya
ā3 Ways to Elevate Your Life (For Real)
āBecome the next-level version of who youāre meant to be. Ditch the Perfectionism Paralysis. Itās time to embrace āgood enoughā and actually enjoy your success. Email me: hello@tonyakay.coāā
āMaster the Art of Purposeful Productivity. Because being busy isnāt the same as being fulfilled, my friend. Embrace Impact over Hustle. Book a call and letās talk about what matters.
āLead with Authenticity (No Power Suit Required). Discover your unique leadership style and watch your influence soar. ā Book a āTrue North Strategyā session (Letās map out your path to purposeful impact)
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