Hey, hi there,
I’m going to jump right in, this is one of those things everyone thinks, but no one talks about….let’s dive in.
Have you ever noticed ‘THAT’ person?
Not the CEO.
Not the most senior person in the room.
The one who hasn’t said a word yet, and somehow everyone’s drawn to them.
You’ve seen it, I know I have, dozens of times.
A junior colleague in a meeting full of executives.
Someone at a dinner party who never raised their voice, but everyone leaned toward anyway.
A parent in the school pickup line who just had a calm about them that made the chaos settle a little.
That’s not charisma. That’s not a personality some people are born with, and the rest of us missed out on.
Its presence.
And here’s the part that might surprise you… it has nothing to do with conference tables and EVERYTHING to do with how you show up.
I N S P I R E
“Presence is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” -Simone Weil
Where You Actually Need This
It’s easy to think of presence as a boardroom thing. A leadership thing. Something you pull out for the big meeting and put away the rest of the time.
But think about where you actually feel yourself shrink, speed up, or brace:
- Walking into a party where you don’t know anyone
- Sitting across from a first date, wondering if you seem as nervous as you feel
- Standing in the kitchen during a family disagreement, trying not to add fuel
- Showing up to a parent-teacher conference already braced for bad news
- Waiting in a doctor’s office, trying to hold it together before you even know what they’ll say
Same eight things happening in your body. Same eight tiny shifts that change all of it.
T H R I V E
8 Shifts That Transform How Others See You
The difference between blending into the noise and being the calm the room organizes around?
Use these micro-adjustments in how you carry yourself.
Scattered Eye Contact: Darting eyes signal nervousness and uncertainty. The 70/50 Ratio: Maintain 70% eye contact when listening, 50% when speaking, for perfect balance.
Rushing to Respond: Immediate answers can make you appear reactive or defensive. The Two-Second Rule: Before answering a hard question, pause just long enough to take one slow breath.
Fidgeting Hands: Restless movement distracts from your message. Find a Home for Your Hands: Rest them lightly on the table, or gently clasp them, when you’re not gesturing.
Speed Talking Under Pressure: Fast speech often signals stress. Deliberate Pace: Slow your speech by 10% under pressure to demonstrate you’re in control.
Speaking From Your Throat: Tension makes your voice sound rushed or strained. Finish Your Exhale: Let yourself fully exhale before speaking. Your voice naturally steadies.
Shallow Stress Breathing: Quick, shallow breaths fuel anxiety and tension. Strategic Breath Pattern: Inhale for 4 seconds, exhale for 6, to calm your body quickly.
Collapsed Posture: Slouching communicates defeat before you even begin. Feel Your Feet: Before speaking, notice both feet on the floor. It pulls your attention right back into the room.
Floating Energy: Feeling untethered makes you appear scattered and unfocused. Grounding Technique: Press your feet firmly on the floor to stay stable and focused.
None of these are about looking more confident.
They’re physical anchors, your feet, your breath, your pace, that tell your nervous system we’re actually okay here.
Which is the only thing that was ever broadcasting “uncertain” to the room in the first place.
Your Challenge This Week
Pick one room you’re walking into in the next 24 hours. Doesn’t matter if it’s a boardroom or your own kitchen.
Before you walk in: feet on the floor, one slow exhale, shoulders down from your ears.
That’s it. That’s the whole practice.
Presence is often mistaken for a personality trait.
It’s actually a skill. One you can build in any room you walk into… starting with the next one.
XOXO
Tonya
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