Hey friend,
I’ve been reflecting on an exercise from over two years ago that completely shifted how I view what actually matters.
We were doing the usual group introductions – names, professions, the typical networking dance.
But then the facilitator asked something unexpected:
“Tell us about the last time you had a genuine belly laugh.”
The energy in that room changed instantly.
Here were accomplished professionals who could navigate million-dollar deals and complex strategies, suddenly searching their memories for something as simple as real laughter.
That exercise has stayed with me because it revealed something I hadn’t even realized I’d lost.
And it made me wonder: When did we trade joy for just getting through the day?
The Text That Changed Everything
A week later, I’m scrolling through my phone (because apparently that’s what we do now instead of having thoughts), and I see this question in a group chat:
“If your 7-year-old self could text you right now, what would they say?”
My fingers started typing before my brain caught up:
“Why don’t you ever come out to play anymore?”
Ouch.
But also… damn.
What Success Stole From You (Without You Noticing)
Can we get real for a second?
You’ve built something incredible. Your bank account reflects it. Your LinkedIn endorsements prove it. Your calendar definitely shows it.
But somewhere between “making it” and maintaining it, you lost something your 7-year-old self would absolutely call you out on:
You stopped having fun.
Not just vacation fun or weekend fun or “I’ll relax when this project is done” fun.
I’m talking about Tuesday-afternoon-for-no-reason fun. The kind that makes you snort-laugh. The kind that makes you forget to check your phone for an hour.
When did that become… optional?
The Lie We Tell Ourselves About Play
“I don’t have time for that.”
“I’ll do fun things when I’m less busy.”
“I’m too old for silly stuff.”
“People are counting on me to be serious.”
Your 7-year-old self is rolling their eyes SO hard right now.
Because here’s what they know that you forgot:
Play isn’t the reward for work. Play IS the work.
The most innovative solutions you’ve ever had? They came when your brain was relaxed.
The best connections you’ve made? They happened when you weren’t trying so hard.
The moments you felt most alive? I guarantee you were laughing.
The Success Trap Nobody Talks About
Here’s the plot twist: The more successful you become, the more you think you can’t afford to be playful.
READ THAT AGAIN
You start believing your own thoughts. You think being serious equals being professional. You convince yourself that fun is frivolous.
Meanwhile, your 7-year-old self is like:
“Remember when you used to solve problems by building pillow forts and having imaginary tea parties? That was genius-level creative thinking, and you gave it up for… what? More meetings?”
What Happens When High Achievers Rediscover Play
I’ve seen it happen. Successful people who remember how to laugh:
Make better decisions (because they’re not stressed-thinking)
Attract better opportunities (because joy is magnetic)
Lead better teams (because people want to work with someone who enjoys life)
Build better relationships (because they’re actually present)
The secret sauce of the most influential people I know?
They never forgot how to play.
Your 7-Year-Old Self’s Action Plan
Right now, before your inner critic wakes up, ask yourself:
“What would make today more fun?”
Then do it. I’m serious.
Maybe it’s:
- Putting on your favorite song and having a one-person dance party
- Taking a different route to work just to see something new
- Buying yourself those flowers you keep walking past
- Texting someone a random funny memory
- Actually eating lunch somewhere other than your desk
If You’ve Been Waiting For Permission…
Consider this your official permission to:
Stop apologizing for enjoying your life
Stop waiting for the “right time” to have fun
Stop thinking play makes you less professional
Remember that success should feel as good as it looks
Trust that joy makes you MORE effective, not less
Know that your 7-year-old self was onto something important
Here’s What I Want You to Do
Before you close this email and get back to your very important tasks, do me (and your inner child) a favor:
Have that conversation.
Actually ask your 7-year-old self what they think of your life right now. Don’t just think about it – speak it out loud.
What would they celebrate?
What would they change?
What would make them proud?
Then listen. Really listen.
Because that little voice isn’t trying to derail your success – they’re trying to remind you what success was supposed to feel like.
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Here’s to remembering why we’re building all this in the first place
XOXO
Tonya Kay
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Ready to Remember What Lights You Up?
Sometimes the most strategic thing you can do is stop being so strategic.
If you’re ready to build a life that feels as incredible as it looks on paper, let’s talk about what that could look like for you. → Start the conversation
